One of my friend pairs did not even raise the issue of family birth. Both spouses were sure that they would divorce directly in the hospital: he - because of her whims, and she - because of his "uselessness". As a result, they gave birth together, live happily and remember this event with special trepidation. Others, on the contrary, prepared even more for affiliate births than for a smart wedding: they attended courses for future parents, reviewed all possible birth-related films, and re-read many books and magazines. But after the long-awaited event, her husband came to the senses for a month with the help of psychologists, and his wife silently experienced postpartum depression. So, it is sometimes impossible to predict the outcome of joint births. However, there are general rules, from which you can determine the degree of readiness of the family for childbirth "for two".
When categorically you can not take your husband with you to the delivery room?
The erroneous and dangerous reason why a woman requires the presence of a husband in the birth, - "to see how I am suffering." As a rule, in this case, the family is experiencing some kind of crisis. And it will not be possible to solve it with the help of joint genera. Rather, even on the contrary - you thus only put a point at the beginning of the end.
If the husband is catastrophically afraid of blood, then he does not belong to the family.
If you have to give birth together with your husband just because all your friends gave birth in pairs, then pay attention to other people you know. Many get divorced, change each other, suffer humiliation & hellip; Do not be afraid to be unlike the others.
When a husband to take on birth is just necessary?
If you are accustomed in everything to rely on your spouse, at the right time, he can calm you, distract or cheer, besides, he declares his readiness for joint birth, then do not even think about anything. Genera "together" will further bring you closer.
If your husband knows how to do anesthetic massage, then he is simply necessary at birth. In the period of labor it is very useful even for you (both husband and massage).
If you will give birth without a contract, have a doctor on duty, and heard about how many employees of many maternity homes treat poorly with women in labor, then take your husband with you as a "protective gun". It is checked up by many pairs or steams, that at the husband medical staff is more attentive and patient in relation to the giving birth to the woman.
Even with your mutual desire to give birth together, there are medical "barriers" on the way to this event:
- Infectious diseases of the husband (influenza, tuberculosis, syphilis);
- alcoholic intoxication;
- Inadequate behavior in the maternity ward;
- pathology of the fetus;
- Caesarean section;
- childbirth in the common room, where another woman may have a baby nearby.
In all these cases, the husband will not be allowed to "give birth" with you.
Preparing for childbirth with your husband
Even if you have a number of psychological "contra-indications" for joint births, you should prepare for such an important event in your life for both. Be sure to visit with your husband courses for future parents. It is there that the question of whether a couple is ready or not for joint births is usually decided. Such courses often show video films about childbirth. The husband has the opportunity to "rehearse" and determine the degree of his readiness for such a feat. In addition, the instructors describe in detail and teach how to help a woman during childbirth.
It is very important before the birth to discuss all possible situations. Births take place in three stages: contractions, attempts and birth of the placenta. Based on this, you can agree on what period, and what assistance you need. Very often the husband is with his wife during the battles, but when going out, he goes out the door. He can be with you to the victorious, while not looking into the "dangerous" zone, but to help you (breathing, support, words of comfort or encouragement).
Agree also on the signals. If at some point you do not want to continue the joint birth, then let your husband know about it. It is important that he immediately fulfilled your desire unconditionally. And he himself must have the right to leave, when there will be no more forces to "give birth" together with you. The main thing is to do without insults.
Help for a "born" husband
- Listen patiently to your spouse. In the period of labor, she can behave even inadequately. Be prepared for her hysteria and even accusations against her.
- Try to distract her by telling interesting stories, anecdotes.
- Remember the lectures from the courses. A woman in a period of intense struggle can forget about everything in the world. Your task is to remember a comfortable posture, do a massage, support mentally and physically.
- Be courageous. Childbirth - the spectacle is not the most "beautiful". However, during this period, you are witnessing the birth of a new life, which, in fact, was conceived by you.
What with the husband can go wrong?
- Fainting. This happens very often and causes a lot of trouble. It is not so simple to engage in a woman in labor and half-dead husband at the same time. Arrange before delivery that if the husband feels even a light dizziness - he immediately leaves relatives.
- A nervous breakdown. There may be such a state for several reasons. First, if your doctor is a man and your husband is jealous, the situation is very unpredictable. Secondly, the husband is able to fail also in case of difficult sorts: his beloved wife screams in pain, and the medical staff does nothing. Prepare the wife for the fact that childbirth is a long and painful process.
- Temporary impotence. Very many people are talking about this, which means they are afraid of this. At times, the women themselves, not realizing their mistakes, prepare such a scenario for their husband. They do not want her husband to see them, to put it mildly, unattractive. But just remember, dear ladies, that in the postpartum period you will not be a model from the cover of the magazine. If you really do not want to look before the husband "unusually", it is better to refuse immediately from the joint birth.
Observations of psychologists
The main conclusion of psychologists about family births is the early paternal instinct. There are three common variants of the father's instinct: waking up at once, with time, never. Psychologists argue that just thanks to the joint births, the parents' feelings for the fathers wake up in the first minutes of the newborn's life. A man "in childbirth" realizes his responsibility for a little man. But for such an outcome, a number of conditions are necessary. The most important thing is the husband's readiness for joint births, a true desire and awareness in this process.
Many of the births are still treated as a sacrament. But this is the mystery of the woman herself, they say. And there is no need to invade the idyll of birth to a frightened husband. Let him never solve the riddle of nature: where do the children come from. To know about this is one thing, and seeing everything with your own eyes is quite another. And the sight, by no means, for the faint-hearted. Others, on the contrary, observe the idyll in the opposite. Since the husband and wife are one, so let their "integrity" be manifested in everything. Even at childbirth. Both sides are probably right. There is no need to make silly conclusions about what kind of birth is best. It's up to you to decide!